Dad believes his marriage is successful because of his secret affairs

A 36-year-old man, who wishes to remain anonymous but goes by the name Nate, said he tried to talk to his wife about having a polyamorous relationship, but she failed to find a new boyfriend, so he decided to have affairs. 

Nate, who claims he is “happily married” has had five affairs since marrying his wife because his sex life at home is “too vanilla”. 

He also explained how he is fed up with being the one to initiate sex and create romantic evenings with his wife, to “no avail”. 

Typically, Nate has extramarital affairs with married women and it gives him the “spice” he’s looking for in the bedroom. 

He said: “I only see one woman at a time – juggling multiple women is way too stressful. We meet up for some passionate sex during the day while we’re both at work at our flexible jobs and can take time off or in the evening when we both have a decent excuse to get out. Overnights can be tricky for both of us.” 

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Nate meets these women on a discreet dating platform, and “chat through web-based chat or video chat apps” like Google chat “during work hours or late evening”. 

He doesn’t keep messages on apps, or any sexy photos or videos on his phone, wiping anything suspicious from it before he gets home. He also has a separate bank account which he uses to withdraw cash and pay for dates. 

Nate, who had only been in monogamous relationships before his marriage said he only felt guilty in the beginning. 

He told Femail how he and his wife “are really good friends and spend a lot of quality time together”. 

“We still have sex regularly and I always make sure she’s satisfied but it’s just very dull, very vanilla, and not exciting enough despite my efforts to spice things up,” he remarked. Nate did suggest visiting a sex therapist together, but he wasn’t open to the idea. 

“It’s the same when I try to talk to her about our sex life – she doesn’t want to discuss it. Asking her what she might enjoy or what pleasure she’d like is met with stony silence,” he added. 

Nate has purchased his wife sexy lingerie in the past to boost her confidence but “they’re left to gather dust”. Any “discussions about fantasies go nowhere and times when I’ve tried to get us to explore erotica haven’t gone anywhere”, he continued. 

He believes having affairs has allowed him “to let off a bit of steam, explore those fantasies I have, have incredible, passionate sex with a woman who also has strong, sexy desires and treat her”. 

As a result, he’s “no longer upsetting [his] wife” by trying to discuss their sex life. 

On the flip side, Nate admitted he would be upset if he found his wife was having affairs. 

“If I found out she was cheating on me, I’d be a little bit annoyed – but it might also be a chance to reset our sex life, have a form of non-monogamy openly and in a grown-up fashion,” he said. 

Nate is keen for an open relationship and has “suggested it many times”, but would settle for her “being more inspired and curious about sex” and “exploring” what she does like. 

He added: “If that leads to non-monogamy, her being a hot wife, swinging etc. great… but if not, just the shift in attitude and sexual awakening would be amazing.” 

Nate believes his marriage is successful because of his cheating, and is “very careful” to avoid “getting too deep with someone” and it becomes more than just “mutual sexual pleasure and fun”. 

“One of the things that no one ever tells you about marriage or long-term commitment in a relationship is how fundamental a good sex life together is,” he commented.